Probably the first thing that happens when you believe your thoughts is jumping to conclusions as if conclusions are ‘what is’ actually happening. I just had an experience of this and I remember when I used to do the same thing.
I recently told someone, “It seems you are not in integrity according to what you wrote. It appears to me if you were in integrity you would do….” They responded there was a lot of judgment in my words.
A teacher once told me, “It seems as if you are not being honest.” What I heard was, “I was lying”, which I took as being judged, just like I was perceived as judging.
What I was missing… I was believing my thoughts and my teacher wasn’t believing his thoughts but I thought he was.
A judgment makes an assertion that something is true or accurate. It is where one stops questioning and comes to a final conclusion which can be very detrimental in a universe that is all about movement and change.
A calibration makes a declaration that something appears or seems to be a certain way. It leaves room for correction, updating and recalibrating.
How does one tell the difference between a judgment and a calibration?
Both are opinions and both are measurements. One is definite and the other is conditional on time, distance and location.
Judgments are definitive statements of you are “such and such”…
You are wrong/right
You are honest/dishonest
You have integrity/don’t have integrity
Judgments are statements that appear to be solid, unchangeable and definite.
Calibrations are statements with question marks
You appear to be wrong/right
You may be honest/dishonest
You seem to have integrity/not have integrity.
A good example of never judging and always calibrating is listening to the voice of your car’s GPS. You enter in your destination and the GPS makes a declaration to go this direction and then that direction and so on.
When you miss the directions, recalibration takes place and the GPS give new instructions on how to get to where you want to be from your new location.
The GPS does not address the issue of whether you are right/wrong, good/bad it simply deals with where you appear to be and where you say you want to be.
Often when people do the same thing using calibratory words it can seem like judgments, as like me, because I was believing my thinking instead of hearing and perceiving what my teacher was actually saying I missed the opportunity to go in the direction that would get me closer to where I said I wanted to be and wound up further away AND blaming my teacher by thinking they were being judgmental.
Conversations move just like traffic, even if you think you are in your original position. And it takes practice learning to calibrate instead of judge.
And often even when you do others will perceive your calibrations as judgments simply because they are believing their thoughts instead of perceiving and comprehending what you are saying.
So I offer two tools you can use to start making the shift to more clarity and peacefulness even when others are not.
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